In bed by 7 last night, lights off by 8. Kate promptly fell fast asleep, and I went into that aggravating half-awake-half-asleep-waiting-for-the-alarm-to-ring-never-never-land. We both woke up at 11:45 for some reason, but fell back to sleep until the alarm went off at 1:45am.
Coffee and shower, hurried last minute review of notes, and the limo arrived at 2:45. Not much talk in the car, re-read notes wondering what to expect. Asked the driver if this was the main Fox station or was there another downtown. He said where we were going was a contract video studio used for remotes, basically just a room and a camera. And that's what it was.
You'd recognize the camera man instantly. He was the geeky kid that belonged to the AV club in high school and ran the projector when there was a movie in class, just older.
The backdrop, instead of a paper graphic, was huge digital display running a video of the San Diego harbor in broad daylight, of course, not zero dark thirty blackness. Talked about could he show Kate's bunny slipper and my boxer shorts with hearts. Said he'd try, wondered why I'd go on national TV in my underwear. Told him the name of the book. He said, "Oh."
Wired us up with mics, and we sat nervously waiting for something to happen. Finally heard a voice in our ear asking for a sound check. Used the line from 'Sports Night': "Hi, I'm Tom Harnish here with Kate Lister. Those and other stories after the break," and got a laugh.
More nervous waiting listening to the news of the Korean missile, Obama threatening sanctions. Need to pee. Finally they tease our segment and voice says we're on after the commercial. We sit forward trying to look interested and interesting, engaged—trying to avoid the 'deer in the headlights' look that happens when the camera is on and you don't know it.
We'd prepared three talking points, they lead with a question about scams. That's me, we'd decided, so I answer with FTC survey and half billion bucks ripped off from unsuspecting consumers. They say yeah, yeah but what about the scams we have listed on the graphic. Oh? Gee thanks for warning us. I say something, with as much animation as possible, about envelope stuffing and bogus certificates. They ask Kate, basically, "What's with that?" She gives them a nice coherent answer about most of the people scammed are those in debt and desperate. They say thanks, bye, and show book cover while pointing viewers to their site for more info.
Geek say, "Okay, that's it." Overhead lights come on. "Thanks for coming down so early in the morning." We look at each and laugh. Wait! We have a lot more to say.
He plays the segment back and tries to burn a DVD for us, but signal is encrypted and won't record. Kate looks gorgeous, I look old. Really old. What we said sounds coherent, at least, and we never picked our nose.
Figure with the missile and trying to get Obama live they threw us a bone and gave us our 30 seconds of fame even though they really would have preferred to use the time for the President.
Home by 4:30am. Check Fox News website, nothing. Check Fox and Friends website. Nothing. Check host Allison's blog, nothing—but it does say, "I’ll post the websites for working at home after the show." 300 comments from groupies mostly hating Obama, a couple about a bunny with two noses, none about the gorgeous woman, old guy, and a book. Email from someone that wants us to do a book signing at the Carlsbad farmer's market. Oh, puh-leeze.
Our website has 600 visitors within an hour, roughly what we usually receive in a whole day, Amazon book jumps from a rank of about 160,000 to about 2,250 so we sold a few books. Educated guess says 100. Woohoo! We got a ride in a limo, lost some sleep and we're 500 bucks richer. Well, actually not. The $ is deducted from the advance. So we're really just $500 closer to making some royalties, the advance already spent. Maybe it'll lead to other TV spots or media coverage . . .
If ya can't take a joke you shouldn't be in show biz?